Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
