At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
