i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
