Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
