the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
