sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
