im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
