I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize