she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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