Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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