remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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