I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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