i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
