I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
