Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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