butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
