K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
3 2 1 whiskey
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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