broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
