you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
