I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
