I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
