the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
