I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We got so high we made milksteak
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
