another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
