my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
