so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
