I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize