If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
