just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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