help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
