My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
