so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
