She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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