evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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