1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
