who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
even my farts smell like vagina
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
