My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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