so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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