bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
