My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
