Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Mom said you looked used
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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