You were right. It hurts to walk today.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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