Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
