I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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