no, he came in my armpit
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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