he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
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