It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
