I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
