Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
