I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
