He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
