He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
do herpes really smell.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
