i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
