My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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