Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
