Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
