no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
