just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
