Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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