Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
