im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
ok first of all what the fuck
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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