If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
