The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Randomize
