singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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