It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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