How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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