I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
