i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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