she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
