Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize