apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize