Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
