Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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