You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
