I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
