areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
North Korea, Best Korea!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
