2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize